I envy the family that has a strong moral code;

Well-minded parents that steer their kids down the road.

Not everyone in life is so blessed to be nurtured;

Cared for and loved and educated until they've matured.

Even smart people can get caught up in life's pain,

When they have no one to show them how to recover again.

In the path of life's lessons one can easily lose their way,

When fools and sociopaths lead you astray.

And one day you are blessed with the most incredible surprise,

When your little baby boy looks up at you with his pretty blue eyes.

No matter how unexpected, you fall in love at first glance,

Then he's taken from you because you're told he hasn't a chance.

The announcement has been made that I am unfit

To care for the one thing worth bringing me out of this pit.

I may not be prepared but my natural instinct is there

To love those blue eyes more than I've ever thought I could care.

I'm told that you've come so that you can make me a good mother,

And until that time comes my baby will live with another.

My body has changed and become that of his mother,

I can feel it dry up while he lays in the bosom of another.

I sleep with an outfit I sneaked from his dirty clothes;

I drink in his smell, sleep with it tucked under my nose.

The system set up to help me is made up of strangers

That look down on me as if I am one of the dangers.

What you can't comprehend is that I can't stand being away,

The pain inside grows more intense with each passing day.

And while I'm away you teach me all the things I've done wrong,

While his new family rocks him and sings him a song.

Their job is to care for him until I can be well,

They don't really like me and they think I can't tell.

They know nothing about me but come to conclusions,

They think that they know me and have their own twisted delusions.

I'm told, "Change everything, and please make it fast."

If I don't finish on time I'll lose my present because of my past.

I can't completely change who I am overnight,

But while you have my baby, be prepared for a fight.

You expect the most from me when I'm so far beyond hurt;

You taunt me and judge me and treat me like dirt.

You talk about me in my absence and how my son will be better;

His new mommy wants to keep him, so why don't I just let her?

All the while you claim to be doing what is best for my son;

You keep forgetting that we were once "one."

As I make my way through the classes, evaluations and goals,

This crash course in life is taking its toll.

I have to see a shrink because I cried too much for my age;

You've taken my son, but I cannot show my rage!

On top of it all, you teach him to call you "mommy."

You say it in front of me like you never saw me.

An infant doesn't even know the meaning of the word,

To act as if it means nothing, is nothing short of absurd.

Choosing that word to give him comfort instead of any other

Is not for his benefit and is devastating to his mother.

All the while, I can't be disrespectful to you,

It would make everything you think of me "true."

You really don't take the time to get to know me,

You're a much better mom and you have to constantly show me.

You think you'll never see him again if I ever get him home,

And now that you love him you have to make him your own.

You were supposed to help me so why is it that we have to compete?
Don't you see that without him, my life won't be complete?

If you would ever take a moment to just look me in the eye,

If you would ever just allow me to show you how hard I cry,

If you ever gave thought to what you may never know,

About the things in my life that make it hard for me to grow,

If you ever took a moment to try and walk in my pain,

Or considered getting to know me might even be your gain,

If you ever stopped to think that God gave him to me,

And there is no one on earth that knows more than He.

God didn't just send you my son as some prize,

And that He placed you in his life is something no one denies.

It's a much greater accomplishment to release him to me

To help make things the way that they are supposed to be.

The system says while you have him, I have no say,

But for the life of me I can't see it that way.

I promise, you will be someone my son will always know,

No matter how old he gets, no matter where we go.

Love my son, but do not become his mother.

This little boy was meant for another.

Tags & Keywords : foster care, children, DCF, child welfare, court