Once, a few years back, a neighbour of ours wrote a letter to his son on his 21st birthday; he showed a copy to myself and my husband and these days I find myself thinking about that letter as my son will be 21 in a couple of months. The gist of that letter was that just because your child is an adult does not mean that your job is over; in fact it becomes all the more difficult because they have to go out in the world and make their own way through life, with all its hardships and agonies while you watch and provide counsel, comfort and whatever help you can.

You can no longer protect your child from the world and you will be stunting their growth as individuals if you try to do so; at best you can be there for them in whatever capacity they need and help them as much as they are ready to accept.

This neighbour had written to his son, and I quote," My hand of support is not withdrawn just because you are ready to walk on your own; it is always extended towards you; whenever you want you can just reach out and my hand will always be there to offer some balance and steady you if you falter when you start walking as an adult through life; but I will never hold on to you and pull you back. I will be waiting in the wings ready to render whatever help needed, with outstretched hands; it is upto you to reach out and hold on for a while or to try and regain your balance on your own."

I just hope I have the maturity to step back and let my son take his first steps as an adult by himself without smothering him with advice, help, or whatever thereby hindering his progress in becoming a self-confident and self-reliant adult, ready to take on the world!! It is truly a great parent who can stand back and let their child make their own way through life without criticising their choices but only offering help and advice as and when needed, without saying 'I told you so' !!

Tags & Keywords : Parenting adults