I sit looking back over life, the good the bad, the in between. I wonder would I change it, any of it if I could? I have decided I would not. Every minute of life is a learning experience, every thing we go through, each feeling, moment its what makes us who we are, and I like who I am. I learn from each experience, and I enjoy each happy, loving moment even more because of the bad that happens. Its how we learn to appreciate the good in life. Finding joy in the small things. I sit and watch my children play, they are so easily amused and entertained, happiness comes easily to them. Then I realize I am as easily amused, entertained and find happiness through them! As I watch them it brings joy to my life that nothing can match, well maybe the sweet soft kisses of a loving husband, holding hands as we walk through a park, talking about our dreams.
When I think back over life some days the first things that come to mind are all the negative things, but I try to focus on the good more. My rule is for every negative thing I think of I must find 3 happy or positive things to think of! So when life gets me down I try even harder to apply this rule. I have taught my children, I have passed it on to others I know going through trials. It truly helps.

My life right now is chaos, we have been living in crisis mode for 5 months now! I suddenly find my husband and I separated, single mom to seven awesome kids! But its hard, I don't know what the future will bring, I know I have to make the best of it for my children. I pray daily, I truly believe God will guide me and direct me as to what to do. I will do as he wants.I am writing this in hopes of giving others hope. I know that when we are down, when life seems at its lowest, cant get any worse, if we can hang on a little longer it will get better. I always remind myself that the Lord will not give me more than I can handle, we may not agree on what I can handle, but he knows what I can handle. And when I falter, when I think I have reached my max I drop to my knees and I pray and he strengthens me, he carries my burdens. Another thing I have learned is its not always on My time, sometimes the Lords time is different, I have to be patient, he will answer when the time is right for him, he will answer in a way that is right for him. Its also not always the answer I want. I think thats the hardest to grasp, his will is not always my will. So I try to remember that when praying, and ask that it be his will that is done, that I know and understand his will. It helps. Its not always easy, but it can make it easier.

Would I change anything? No I would not. Well maybe, I would change not knowing how deeply my husband was hurting, the pain he was suffering alone, not daring to talk to anyone. I would not let him suffer alone again, and since I cant change the past I refuse to let him suffer the consequences and the future alone. I will be there for him every step of the way all through his healing. Praying with him and for him, in hopes that he will be whole and healed, I know the Lord can do it, if it is his will.

So for those of you hanging on, trying to make it through a trial in this life I hope you learn to lean on the Lord, He is your Heavenly Father, he knows your needs, you just need to ask him, he will carry your load, make it lighter, guide you, comfort you, bring peace and happiness to your life. If your looking for forgiveness he can bring it, for repentance he can show you the way

I start and finish my day, every day with prayer. I am never alone, the Holy Ghost is always with me, guiding me, comforting me, and can be with you also. Never give up, find some small thing to hang onto, to give hope, no matter how insignificant it may seem, and hang on until something else bigger comes. Something bigger will come, I know it will.