As I have mentioned in one of my earlier articles, my son is now almost 21; I look back at his turbulent teens and I wonder from where I found the patience to keep my cool and sanity!!

Today, it feels great when people compliment me on my son's maturity and pleasing personality.But believe me, it wasnt always like that. Especially when he was 16, my husband changed jobs and had to move to another city, and since we didnt want to disturb his schooling, I ended up dealing with his difficult years by myself.

But it was all worth it, as a few months back my son and I were talking about a good friend of his and he commented that this friend's mom was a bit of a psycho and that she would yell at him like crazy in front of others, and that too for no reason. Whereupon I told him that I too yelled at him from time to time; my sweet son replied," But Ma, when you do it , it is 200% justified!! And you dont do it in front of others . It is only when I push you beyond all reasonable limits that you resort to yelling at me, and not like his mom!!" I tell you I keep thinking it over and it makes all my patient handling & the sacrifices I have made over the years worthwhile.

In my experience kids respond well if the parents dont blindly lay down the law; be reasonable when it is time for setting curfew or a spending limit; give them a little bit of freedom and you will be surprised by how responsibly they behave.I have given my son an add on card and till date (2 yrs ) he has not spent a paisa beyond his limit.

Understand the peer pressure that they have to face; show them that you trust them not to go behind your back even if they want to do something which you might disapprove of; let them know that even if you dont like what they want to do, you are ready to let them experience it for themselves. The forbidden fruit is always most appealing. So explain frankly why you are against anything they want to do and if they still want to do it, make them understand that you expect them to behave responsibly.

For example, my son wanted to go with his friends to an Iron Maiden concert, in another city and stay at his friends place; my husband was afraid that there might be drugs; we know from our son that this boy uses drugs even in college hostel; so he promised us that if and when he tries it, he will let us know beforehand. We are social drinkers and occasionally go to a bar - we gave him his 1st drink on his 18th b'day!! So he knows we respect his right to choose for himself what he wants to do and to this day he has not abused that right and he is in turn open with us in what he does!!

Just 10 days back, he told us that he had a chance to try drugs during his college culturals, but didnt, though he couldnt pass on the chance to try fenny ( it is a local Goan drink)!! So what I am trying to say is, I know letting go of your baby is not easy, but understand that they have to spread their wings; be honest, open and understanding during their teens and you will be proud of the adults they turn out to be !!

Give them their freedom when they are young adults with the understanding that with freedom comes responsibility. Above all, be patient and listen to them; communication is the single most important thing in a teen's life; they will turn to whatever or whoever they think understands them best. So be their best friend and in turn they will be the best a son / daughter can be!!

Tags & Keywords : Teenagers / Adolescents