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Discipline and Young Children - Tips for Better Behavior
Teaching our children appropriate behavior and self control is one of a parent's most important jobs. The lessons we teach our children will shape the adults they become. Yet some parents seem afraid to undertake this job. What these reluctant parents need to fully grasp is that setting limits and disciplining their child in appropriate ways is a gift to the child. A child who understands boundaries and consequences is a secure child who is more likely to grow into a responsible and successful adult. Here are some tips for teaching young children about limits and self control.
<b>Start early</b>
Many parents don't even think about discipline until a child reaches the "terrible twos" and starts using that powerful word, "NO." But when parents wait this long to set limits, they will be dealing with a child who has had two full years of behavior without consequences. Babyhood is really the perfect time to start teaching your child about boundaries and self control. Even from a young age, babies can learn to handle upset feelings more appropriately. Throughout your child's development, use age-appropriate disciplinary methods.
<b>Manage the environment</b>
The most basic disciplinary tactic, and one that parents sometimes neglect, is to manage the environment. This means arranging things so there are fewer ways for the child to misbehave or get your goat. Managing the environment includes child-proofing, of course - put dangerous household products out of reach, cover exposed electrical outlets, block off stairs, and so on. You should also put away valuable objects and prized ornaments for a few years.
Parents can also adopt a more relaxed attitude. Messes are a normal part of childhood - expect them! Babies and toddlers will spill juice on the floor and throw food at the wall. Maybe you can plan to redecorate in a few years. It's also helpful to look at an environment from the child's point of view. Leave a toddler alone with a felt pen and a white wall - it's not hard to predict the outcome. If you don't want your little darling scribbling on the wall, keep the pens out of reach unless you are there to supervise. Remember, anything that can ha
ppen, probably will happen.
<b>Use distraction</b>
Young children have a short attention span, so use that to your advantage. For a baby or toddler, distraction is an appropriate way to manage behavior. If your child grabs a forbidden object, remove it and distract him with a toy. A change of scenery is good, too. Move an upset child to a new environment like a playpen or a different room and he will quickly forget about whatever caused the upset.
<b>Ignore bad behavior, reward good behavior</b>
Children do what works. If a child gets what he wants by screaming and pouting until he wears Mom or Dad down, of course he will use this tactic over and over. It works. On the other hand, if good behavior gains him attention and other goodies, the child has every reason to repeat the good behavior - because that's what works.
It's up to you, the parent, to make sure that good behavior works and bad behavior doesn't work. That's sometimes harder than it sounds. Suppose your toddler Sally is playing quietly with a doll. Enjoying the peace, you may ignore her and concentrate on your own activities. Now Sally gets bored with her game and begins to shout and stomp her feet. You stop what you're doing and go deal with the outburst. You've just taught her that being good gets no attention from Mommy but being bad brings Mommy running. Is that the lesson you want her to absorb?
Instead of reinforcing the behavior you don't want, make a conscious effort to notice and acknowledge the behavior you do want as frequently as you can. Rewarding good behavior can be as simple as a warm smile, a gentle stroke of the hair, or a quick word of praise.
When it comes to misbehavior, ignoring it is sometime a better tactic than punishment. What you consider punishment may actually be a reward from the child's point of view. If your child is seeking attention, then even angry attention is a reward. A calm, firm demeanor when you discipline your child is always better than shouting and scolding. If you use punishment, do it by taking away something the child values, like interaction with you. Don't put your child in a five-minute time out and then spend that five minutes coaxing him to sit down and be quiet. You've just rewarded him for misbehavior and guaranteed yourself more fussing and acting up in the future.
<b>Start early</b>
Many parents don't even think about discipline until a child reaches the "terrible twos" and starts using that powerful word, "NO." But when parents wait this long to set limits, they will be dealing with a child who has had two full years of behavior without consequences. Babyhood is really the perfect time to start teaching your child about boundaries and self control. Even from a young age, babies can learn to handle upset feelings more appropriately. Throughout your child's development, use age-appropriate disciplinary methods.
<b>Manage the environment</b>
The most basic disciplinary tactic, and one that parents sometimes neglect, is to manage the environment. This means arranging things so there are fewer ways for the child to misbehave or get your goat. Managing the environment includes child-proofing, of course - put dangerous household products out of reach, cover exposed electrical outlets, block off stairs, and so on. You should also put away valuable objects and prized ornaments for a few years.
Parents can also adopt a more relaxed attitude. Messes are a normal part of childhood - expect them! Babies and toddlers will spill juice on the floor and throw food at the wall. Maybe you can plan to redecorate in a few years. It's also helpful to look at an environment from the child's point of view. Leave a toddler alone with a felt pen and a white wall - it's not hard to predict the outcome. If you don't want your little darling scribbling on the wall, keep the pens out of reach unless you are there to supervise. Remember, anything that can ha
<b>Use distraction</b>
Young children have a short attention span, so use that to your advantage. For a baby or toddler, distraction is an appropriate way to manage behavior. If your child grabs a forbidden object, remove it and distract him with a toy. A change of scenery is good, too. Move an upset child to a new environment like a playpen or a different room and he will quickly forget about whatever caused the upset.
<b>Ignore bad behavior, reward good behavior</b>
Children do what works. If a child gets what he wants by screaming and pouting until he wears Mom or Dad down, of course he will use this tactic over and over. It works. On the other hand, if good behavior gains him attention and other goodies, the child has every reason to repeat the good behavior - because that's what works.
It's up to you, the parent, to make sure that good behavior works and bad behavior doesn't work. That's sometimes harder than it sounds. Suppose your toddler Sally is playing quietly with a doll. Enjoying the peace, you may ignore her and concentrate on your own activities. Now Sally gets bored with her game and begins to shout and stomp her feet. You stop what you're doing and go deal with the outburst. You've just taught her that being good gets no attention from Mommy but being bad brings Mommy running. Is that the lesson you want her to absorb?
Instead of reinforcing the behavior you don't want, make a conscious effort to notice and acknowledge the behavior you do want as frequently as you can. Rewarding good behavior can be as simple as a warm smile, a gentle stroke of the hair, or a quick word of praise.
When it comes to misbehavior, ignoring it is sometime a better tactic than punishment. What you consider punishment may actually be a reward from the child's point of view. If your child is seeking attention, then even angry attention is a reward. A calm, firm demeanor when you discipline your child is always better than shouting and scolding. If you use punishment, do it by taking away something the child values, like interaction with you. Don't put your child in a five-minute time out and then spend that five minutes coaxing him to sit down and be quiet. You've just rewarded him for misbehavior and guaranteed yourself more fussing and acting up in the future.
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